In Retrospect of My Unknown Journey..Who Am I?
I've been looking back through some pics of myself, places i've been, things i've done. I look at pictures and they depict someone that is so eff'n happy to be alive and experience life around her. Where is this person at? I ask myself....I laughed often as well as made people laugh. I was a cool & silly person who could be laid back. But only.... this time I feel like I have lost something that I'm desperately trying to find again.
I realize that I'm missing a lot in my life. I'm Missing the little things in life. I have to find these things once again because they one brought me happiness. I have a loving partner of 5 yrs but have in the past 6 months realized that we are very unhappy with one another. I feel as if we are drifting apart. We as a couple had a set of best friends. These 2 friends were equally dear to our hearts and had been for many years. Well these 2 "friends" hurt us so deep. The hurt was so deep and that was the straw that broke the camels back. This is what I took as my "Q" to get help. This situation brought back a whole lot of buried feelings that I once had and still have. So..there we have it this is where my journey to find and help me really started....when I was at my lowest. An eye opener to say the least....amongst the other storms that I have brewing.
This quest of therapy scares me.
I'm afraid of seeing the things that I need to see.
I'm afraid of losing the one person that I trust.
I'm afraid of feeling things that I have long buried.
Therapy really scares the shit outta me!
Im trying really hard to make a point.
So please bare with me......I'm trying ......
Realizing my relationship has always had communication issues amongst our other issues that have never been fully dealt with. Reality was at its all time low. I have been in denial about us and many other things in my life. Wow....If I look at the rawness of some of our issues & my issues, and I become consumed. This is where I know that I have taken a step in the right direction in my Journey to heal. I need the help I have sought because I can't do it alone. I'm trying to make this unknown journey 1 day at a time with the help of my therapist. I want to be the thriving woman that I know Im capable of being.
I think of this quote often......
"You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You must do the things which you think you cannot do." Eleanor Roosevelt
i could have written that post myself.
ReplyDeleteand that quote by eleanor roosevelt...it's one that i have written in my journal, the one where i write all of my healing and struggles.
it's so hard. but it's possible to work through this. that's what i keep telling myself.
cornnut32,
ReplyDeleteMy therapist quotes this to me quiet often.
It's a popular quote. I'm working on me little by little everyday. I'm here with you too.