Confused But Not Blind

I'm completely confused!
I had T today and a subject that was brought up that was previously brought up about the relationship that I'm in. So previously I shared that I've been in a realtionship for 5 years. Realizing that I have many probs past and present and I can't fix them by myself. In the past I've never been in therapy and dated anyone let alone have a session with a current boyfriend. Ok so....we as a couple went to a session together. This was so the therapist could gain more insight on me and us a couple. She wanted to do this sooner rather than later. So I have to say it was SO UNCOMFORTABLE for me. So I went back and was told she think I'm in a abusive relationship and that she feels that I'm being done that way in a manipulated manner.
So the T gave me papers to read up on, talked with me a little longer, and said as I was leaving think about. We will talk more next time. I was completely blown away and not sure how to feel about it other than I was a lil perturbed. So I went home and read it. I read it for what it was.
I put it down and thought no more of it. Then the next day I picked it up and read over some more. This time I grasped it and began to look at the bigger picture from an outsiders point of view but with my insight. So anyone would tell you that in public that I'm the one that wears the pants in the relationship, speaks up when something is wrong, kinda of a person that tells you like I see it.... Behind closed doors it's a bit different. We argue sometimes but it never gets physical and if ever it does..that's it. No more trying to work on anything. One of us would be leaving and that would be the end of us. If I not had that conversation with my T nor read the papers, I probably would not be able to view my realtionship as I did. Wow!!!!
All I have to say is what an eye opener. I can see that a lot of times I am being manipulated into things and I go along with it b/c I don't want to be the cause of the upset. This is where I'm wrong, I should speak up more than I already do. I am confused but I'm not blind to the damage that has been done and will keep going unless I change it. That change will probably mean that I have to leave the relationship and move on. The way I look at it, if it has not changed in 5 years.... will it ever change?
For a while now I've felt so unhappy & depressed. I'm unhappy about my past and the issues that surround my present becasue I've never fully dealt with everything. So im not sharing all of this to put more blame on my boyfriend, Im just sharing some of my views in hope that someone else might have a bit more insight. I love him so much but we have MANY issues and he flat out told the T that he was not going to T for him but he was going for me. I didnt have to twist an arm to make him go I just asked and he said yes. Sometime I feel like we are on our on planet which are worlds apart. So needless to say I don't have alot of hope that we will make it much longer. Frankly I don't think I want to put the effort forward now that my eyes have been opened to seeing the bigger picture. I have shared with him how I feel about "us". These feelings of we would be better off apart than together just don't go away. What the hell am I holding on to then? The way the relationship is now....goes against everything I said I'm against 5 yrs ago. WTF!!!! WTF am I doing?
Man this is so hard! All of the processing that has to be done in my head, the decisions that have to be made. I've been on the verge of tears all day. Somedays its easier and I can see clearer and others like today I feel like all I see is a wall.