I HAVE THE INFAMOUS MISPLACED RAGE!
or so my therapist says....I have to agree on that one.
I could have told anyone that before I even started going to therapy.
Im also realizing that I have far too much anger for one person to have. How have I gotten this far in life with all this rage leaves me baffled! WTF.... SO this is just the tip of the iceberg for me.
or so my therapist says....I have to agree on that one.
I could have told anyone that before I even started going to therapy.
Im also realizing that I have far too much anger for one person to have. How have I gotten this far in life with all this rage leaves me baffled! WTF.... SO this is just the tip of the iceberg for me.
We have not been very far into "THE DEEP DARK HIDDEN SECRET." It overwhelmes me that I have to share what a F'd up childhood I had. Not only was my father being physically abusive he was a selfish asshole too along with the other men that robbed my childhood of fun & innocence.
During my last blog I shared that I wasnt feeling well. I had this migraine far too long "over my limit." I crawled into some comfy clothes after giving myself a shot, called my friend to have her swing by my house and check up on me. I always get concerned if Im by myself after I've given myself a shot for migraines. Although.... I feel like dying sometimes I really honestly dont want to. Ive been there done that have the t-shirt for it. I dont intend on going back anytime soon. However, Im better with the migraine...........
I realize that I just kept pushing myself as I always do! My limit these days, get shorter and shorter with the many tasks that I place upon myself to complete. The tasks that I used to push myself through with ease. As Im going through therapy Im learning that I'm only 1 person not Wonder Woman! Although she was my childhood super hero....LOL! Anyway Im rambling. Jeez......I wonder why sometimes Im so exhausted....If someone were only in my brain for a day they would probably be exhausted as well. I have bad days as well as good days. Im so up and down all the time I know that I need to be on anti-depressants. I lost my medical coverage and that really bites! Im learning to take 1 day & 1 step at a time. That is if I want therapy to be beneficial for me and I do.
During my last blog I shared that I wasnt feeling well. I had this migraine far too long "over my limit." I crawled into some comfy clothes after giving myself a shot, called my friend to have her swing by my house and check up on me. I always get concerned if Im by myself after I've given myself a shot for migraines. Although.... I feel like dying sometimes I really honestly dont want to. Ive been there done that have the t-shirt for it. I dont intend on going back anytime soon. However, Im better with the migraine...........
I realize that I just kept pushing myself as I always do! My limit these days, get shorter and shorter with the many tasks that I place upon myself to complete. The tasks that I used to push myself through with ease. As Im going through therapy Im learning that I'm only 1 person not Wonder Woman! Although she was my childhood super hero....LOL! Anyway Im rambling. Jeez......I wonder why sometimes Im so exhausted....If someone were only in my brain for a day they would probably be exhausted as well. I have bad days as well as good days. Im so up and down all the time I know that I need to be on anti-depressants. I lost my medical coverage and that really bites! Im learning to take 1 day & 1 step at a time. That is if I want therapy to be beneficial for me and I do.
"It overwhelmes me that I have to share what a F'd up childhood I had. Not only was my father being physically abusive he was a selfish asshole too along with the other men that robbed my childhood of fun & innocence."
ReplyDeleteI swear I have written this passage in my personal journal a hundred time...
Thanks for sharing....stay strong...it has to get better....
Exploring the past wears us out physically. (((Hugs))) on the migraines. As for rage...I think it's a necessary step we go through and it feels like it will consume us. For me, the handle was to imagine protecting the child I once was and instead of her having to be angry, I let the adult me be angry in a focused way toward those who hurt me. I imagined having them in a cage and being able to say to them all the things I couldn't as a child. Eventually I could let go of the rage but first I had to speak up for that child I was. Oh, and it helped to imagine smacking the crap out of those who hurt me as well even if I wasn't ever going to do that in real life.
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