Fat Tuesday!

I thought this was fitting for today since it is Fat Tuesday and it's one of the places I've been. I guess Im going to be in a retropespective journey for a while. It makes me think more!

Ok....So I shared that there are some things missing in my life. Some of these things I'm not necessarily aware but others Im aware. That's one of the many reasons that I'm on my journey to heal. I'm having pieces of a memory. Its like im watching a slide show of my life but scattered all over the place. These flashbacks are some that I've never had before. So I have to change the subject for a little while. It will help ease my breathing for a bit or I will have a full blown anxiety attack and I want to remain in a good state for as long as I can while I write my blog.
I have my 2 dogs at the groomer. They are my children for now and I love them to death. I've always been a dog person. When I was being abused and in pain as a child I would often go on long walks down the road with my dog that I had at the time and we would talk....I mean I would talk. This was my best friend and someone that would love me unconditionally. Dogs are not a replacement for children for me, I just love & care for animals a lot, always have. I feel in time I will have my own kids. I've always wanted to be a mother to at least 1 child. I'm 33 & def not getting any younger. So just because I've always wanted to does that mean that I have to fulfill that what I once wanted? For some this question may be easy to answer. For me it's a question that can be answered if I dig deep. Who knows.... I might never be able to answer this. I dunno!




So yesterday I went to the last day of the state fair. This was the only ride that I rode the cable cars or whatever you call them, not really sure what you call it. I went mostly for the food that you can't eat everyday of your life. The food that is not good for you. Yummmm!!!! I started off with a big O' corndog. Then I tried a sample fried sliced pickle for the 1st time ever and It was ok. My Dp had a fried green tomato sandwich. yuck!!!! Thats something I've never ever liked and still don't. So we we continued walking. We made our way around to more food and this time I was bound to get me a funnel cake :) one of my favs. So proceeded to find a place to sit and eat cuz its too messy to be eating and walking around. So I sat and did some people watching. I noticed the people and their expressions as they came off of crazy rides. Their expressions often telling you of the experience or anticipation that they had. Facial expressions are the best forms of unwritten stories. They tell so much if you pay attention. I miss having fun days like this. I really enjoyed myself.