Flashbacks

*Content may be triggering*

Whoaaaa....I had a flashback of a date rape when I was younger. This guy that I knew through work had asked me out on a date. We went out but stopped by his place before we went. He doted upon me. Got me anything I wanted. We had some light food, then some fruit and champagne. Then I started feeling funny, I was drunk and 17. I didn't know what I was getting myself into. I had never had that much to drink before. I asked him to take me home because I was not feeling well. Instead he had me lie down on his bed where he undressed me of everything but my bra and panties. He got me a cold wash cloth for my head and said I would feel better soon. He started touching me and then raped me. During the rape I left into the world of the unknown and I don't remember what happened after that.... exept when I got home I went staright to my room and then showered. I told not a soul. Still have not until now.
I had completely forgotten that happened until now. I was writing an old work friend earlier telling her of my breakup with boyfriend. I was telling her about my past and all the stuff that Im facing now. All of the sudden out of nowhere in pops this red flag and complete silence consumes me. Pandora's box has been opened and there is no telling what will happn next. This is where I want to run because it is uncomfortable for me. In the past I would have already given up, packed my shit and moved away. That's what I do best. RUN......This time I am determined that I will not run. I'm trying to make sure that I see this through. Still feeling depressed and a bit lethargic in general. There is just a lot of stuff to deal with. It's not like I didn't already have enough on my plate but I thought I needed to add more to it. Anyway Im trying.